Bendiness

by Hannah

THE WEEK OF INWARD LOOKING

December 26th ~ Question #1
From: Patti Digh

Topic: Body (Bendiness)
Question: Where have I learned and lived in 2011? In my head, in my body, or both? What would living more fully in my body in 2012 bring to me? How can I embody life and learning as I move through this liminal space between now and next?

My back burns like I’ve been pulling boulders from a Colorado river, building a footpath, but I’ve only been standing in one place. Cashier, bitch, irritable housewife. The whole length of my back hurts, from the pelvic bone right up my neck, in streaks like from a paintbrush. Side to side, too, reaching around my ribs, a corset pulled tight, a searing frustration.

I’ve been angry this week, and it’s been tugging at my back muscles, the way saddness and devastation lays itself down in my hips. I’ve been so wrapped up in holiday nonesense and personal bullshit that I’ve forgotten my body exists at all – except each morning when I to coddle it back to sleep like a newborn. Just five more minutes.

I’ve lived in my emotions in 2011, and that hasn’t exactly been a bad thing. I’ve been in my brain for too many years. But I have yet to live fully in my body, I do know that.

Doing so would include taking up yoga, no doubt. Dance. I would learn to dance. I would not only create time for the serious exercise my body needs so badly, but also the little chances for change. Just split that log there before work. Just spend ten minutes rubbing the full, warm bellies of my beloved goats.

And I would install my bathtub.

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