From: Ken Robert
Question: In what way have I been living in the shadows in 2011? How might my life change if I came out into the light in 2012? What strengths could I discover and share if I gave up hiding my weaknesses?
The first shadow that comes to mind, of course, is makeup.
From a conversation that was recently shared with me:
So, I was doing a deep cleaning mud mask and Louie walks up and…
Louie: Why do you have that on your face?
Me: Because I’m trying to make my complexion look better.
Louie: Why do you need to make you com-plex-em look better?
Me: Because I wear makeup, and makeup damages my skin.
Louie: Well, why do you wear makeup then?
Me: To make my skin look better.
Louie: Um, Mom, you’re caught in a crazy circle.
Me: Makeup could also be a form of war paint.
Louie: Then who are you fighting?
Her answer was “men” but mine is “myself.”
Brooding this shadow, fluffing all my feathers to keep this shadow warm.
A shadow of expectation. From my society, my parents, my friends, my lover. But most of all, what I expect from myself. To be as accomplished and good and gentle as those I admire and place on pedistels. To be the person the world knows me to be. To be the kind of partner whose lover understands her soul.
If I am constantly competing with expectations, when can I shine as just me?
A shadow of literary inadequacy, writer’s block, and a fear of my own words on the page.
That’s the reason for this blog in the first place. And my strongest New Year’s Resolution. (Yes, I’m a sucker for resolutions.)
Blog every day for a year. Three hundred and sixty six days. Just a rant, a sentence, a word, even. Just put something on the page. The way I see it, if three-quarters of what I write is absolute shit, that’s still ninety-one decent blog entries.